Here’s some great advice about understanding anger from my friend Arnfried of Be Motivated Today:
For some people anger is scary. I’m talking about people who are almost afraid to get angry. They may feel it is wrong to get “upset” or “lose control”.
But one has to understand anger. Anger is an appropriate response to injustice, crime and abuse. It is good to become angry when you see someone being unfairly treated or when there is corruption or any form of abuse.
Anger is also a natural emotion when we go through the grieving process. And any time we experience a significant loss, we may need to grieve and becoming angry at some point is ok. In fact becoming angry is NEVER wrong. Because anger is an emotion. And emotions are neither right or wrong.
It is what we do when we get angry that could be wrong, destructive, or unwise.
For Example:
- Striking or injuring someone, in anger, is wrong.
- Hurling verbal abuse at someone, who has done something, that has made you angry, is destructive. (People don’t make us angry. No one can make you angry. They do stuff that we get angry about. We choose to get angry. No one ‘makes us’.)
- Making a decision to divorce when you are angry is unwise.
Being upset is OK. Losing control can be disasterous.
The best advice I can give is:
If you get angry, it’s ok. But then find a place to cool off before you confront the one that caused your anger. Try to calm down before someone becomes an innocent victim.
Be all you can be!
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By Joanne July 30, 2012 - 10:26 am
OK I confess – sometimes I get angry and it does seem like my kids or my husband (it’s always the ones closest to us) make me angry.
Just last week I blew up at one of kids for not being responsible and getting his chores done. It’s not only that he didn’t clean his room, but that he didn’t think it was something that he was responsible for. He was too busy with his own agenda to worry about what his father and I expected of him. And that really got me mad, I even used a few choice words that usually don’t ever come out of my mouth.
But Arnfried is right – my son didn’t make me angry. Anger was my response to his behavior, and it didn’t serve any purpose except to get me upset. So a few days later (OK it took me a while to realize that I was also at fault) I apologized for the outburst, but I told my son what was expected of him.
OK his room is still a mess. But it’s not making my blood pressure boil. After all he’s been working full time with overtime and hasn’t had a day off since this happened. So we’ll see what happens after his next day off!